The Quick Witted Clerk

A man walked into the produce section of his local  supermarket and asked to buy a half head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, 

"Some ass-hole wants to buy a half head of lettuce." 

As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, 

"And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager said to the boy, 

"I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?"

" Alabama , sir." the boy replied.

Image via Wikipedia

State Seal of Alabama

"Well, why did you leave Alabama ?" the manager asked.

The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and football  players there."

"Really?" said the manager "My wife is from Alabama "

"Get outta here!" the boy said , "Who'd she play for ?"

Related articles

• Everyone still chasing Alabama, Florida in SEC (seattletimes.nwsource.com)

A Poor Homeless Man

Image by Getty Images via @daylife

I'd just come out of a SuperMarket with a roasted chicken, french fries, large chips, and a 12 pack of beer.

A poor homeless man sat on the curb and said to me as I passed by, 'I've not eaten for two days'

I told him 'I wish I had your f**king will power'

Related articles

• Will Congress Protect the Homeless? (homelessness.change.org)

A Collection of Funny One Liners about Sex

Barbara Bush talks about oral sex...

Billy Crystal on the difference between men and women when it comes to sex...

George Burns on Sex at 90...

Jack Nicholson discusses his mother...

Robert De Niro explains why women like undressing in front of men...

Robin Williams on Anatomy...

Robin Williams on the Latin meaning of divorce...

Rod Stewart on how to avoid marriage...

Rodney Dangerfield on getting a date...

Roseanne Barr on premenstrual affliction...

Sharon Stone on faking orgasms...

Steve Jobs says his girlfriend laughs during sex...

Steve Martin and "The Look"...

Tom Clancy likes what money can buy...

Woody Allen explains why sex is like bridge...

The End

Judging Others

An elephant asked a camel, "Why are your breasts on your back? "

"Well, " said the camel, " I think that's an inappropriate question from somebody whose dick is on his face. "

The First Condom

Historical 'Fact'...

In 1872 the Scots invented the condom, using a sheep's bladder.

However, in 1873, the English refined the idea somewhat by taking the bladder out of the sheep first!

Amazing Simple Home Remedies:

1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing veggies by having someone else hold the vegetables while you chop.


2. Avoid Arguments with females over lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.


3. For high blood pressure sufferers... simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing pressure on your veins. Don't forget to use a timer.


4. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.


5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of Laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough.


6. You only need two tools in life... WD40 and Duct Tape.


If it doesn't move and should... use the WD40


If it moves and shouldn't... use the Duct Tape.


7. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.


Daily Thought:


Some people are like slinkies...


They're not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs...

Confucius Says...

"A Lion will not betray his mate.... But a Tiger Wood."